Wednesday, April 11, 2007

the dentist

i had put it off as long as i had to happen. and it was every bit has hellacious as i thought it would be if not worse. not just in terms of the lingering pain in my jaw and the fact that i had to suck scrambled eggs off my plate last nite since i couldn't open my mouth, but also because as a person living with environmental illness I'll be sick/recovering for days to come. the dentists office is probably one the more toxic places i ever venture into...that and hospitals, which i avoid like the plague unless my life is in danger. actually, most offices or public buildings are pretty bad. often those of us with e.i. get referred to as "canaries in the coal mine"...and i'll tell ya this little bird drops like a brick after a dentist appt.
only thing keeps me from running in terror when first confronted with the smell of the office is the fact that i need my teeth.

and then ofcourse there are all the lovely chemicals they fill my mouth/body with...i love that epoxy type taste that trickles down my throat while i've got a zillion different implements in my helpless mouth.

i was there for hours.

i don't remember driving home....times like this is when i really wish new mexico had a better personal assistant program for rural people with disabilities. I shouldn't have been driving.
then when i returned back home to my one woman farm some adrenaline induced survival mechanism kicks in and i'm scurrying around chopping wood,starting the fire, feeding animals and putting water on for a bath so i can get all the smells off of me. its like i'm on speed, my ribs are with the novacains life expectancy since i know that once the pain sets in i'm going to fall apart and stay apart for quite sometime.

Sometimes when i'm sick from exposures, and weepy and weak, i like to call my dogs to me and just love them love them feel their fur and muscley ribs bury my face in their coats and inhale the smell of mountains and dirt and earthy animal.

small things ground me, the sheep running to me from the high pasture, the lives of animals....


Manerva said...

No you shouldn't have been driving but I too live in a rural area, and although I don't have your problems I know there is a huge need for assistance that we don't get because of where we live.

Hope you have sunshine anyhow, that always make a person heal better and quicker. We have grey skies and lots of snow right now, have since yesterday morning. So much for spring... I'm going to take a nap. Get well soon.

Jbeeky said...

Oh Erin, I am sorry! That is awful and it must have felt very vulnerable up there all alone when you are waiting for illness to set in. I wish I could have been there for you. I am pretty good at giving rides and such, although sheep running towards me may have me running the other way screeching like banshee. I hope you feel better and make sure and post so we know you are doing OK out there.

Rosie said...

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. Hope you can shake off all that epi and crap they shot into you quickly. My bastard dentist never fails to hit my facial nerve, paralyzing my eyelids. So I have to hang out in Jefferson freaking City for a few hours until my vision comes back.

But at least it is done now. Teeth is good. Teeth is very good.

Mallow said...

I hope you are feeling better soon. I think it is peaceful-making that you have your animals to come home to.

Anonymous said...

I am one of those lurkers and have been checking back on your blog and there has been no writing for a while. I hope you are OK???? Your last post was from the Dentist??? I enjoy your writing and I too suffer from enviromental issues, but am working on getting help financially. Please know I am thinking good thought for you and hope you are well.