Sunday, October 15, 2017

water sign



what did I inherit from my mother but an animal heart
 and cardboard boxes of flight?
genetics
infused w preverbal trauma
unearthed memories of near death
synapses clutched up in knots
vigilance = survival
vigilance= survival
  freeze
track the predator with disappearing eyes 

I have to remember to unclench my hands
find my heart
my pulse my murky river of blood
full of cortisol and thc
I sink
into a hot bath sometimes 3 times
a day

in between

I study water
it’s memory
it’s capacity to hold and heal

to infuse

I study survival
I study wounds and their open purpose

I can almost remember mine
I can almost remember my mothers
  that narrow bridge from the adrenaline laced womb 
to my own fight or flight

vigilance of an animal heart
where I rewrite history with endless water
and keep the littlest me
safe from heartless carnivores
babies should be clear rivers
babies should not be
boxes built to fill with wounds
decades in storage
carefully opening each one over years
I lay them out in the sun
one by one by one
pour honey into the pain

I’ve inherited instinct
I’ve cultivated dirt and spit and thorn thick
protection spells
for
babies 
should be water
soothing, turbulent, resilient and healing
brilliant open animals





















Friday, March 24, 2017

sick femme love liberation incantation



I want to know your pain
hold it up to the light of my own
let them touch
lean linger
love the familiar
bones of honesty
the world hits
hard breaks bruises
and terrifies
delights in our masks of able
while we drown
wears down bone to sea glass
so let’s celebrate our sea glass survival
beautiful
spill all the broken worn and translucent remains
out
onto the kitchen table between us and weep salt
in our knowing
no masks