Tuesday, October 30, 2007

days of the dead

i love this time of year.I love the mystery and challenge of death. i'm one a those scorpio that really grooves on the thin veil thing. KInda starts today for me and keeps going until the 3rd. i build the dead altars.i feed them, i ask them to feed me. i will list them here.
My great great great and great great and great grandfolk.
edna fink
ida wirth crowse
christian crowse
mary ambrose
joseph ambrose
my grandmothers,
gladys fink ambrose
dina schtadler.
david ambrose
paul ambrose.
my chosen family
the many birds i've rescued from my cats only to have them die in my palm.
and all of those that lived their lives trying to free us from our bullshit.
the poets and the loving warriors
as well as all the other knowns and unknowns who are there.

if i can i'll feed them meat and bread and sweets and beer and water
plenty of water.

i hope you all have a peaceful dia de los muertos.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


so last week it snowed up at 10000ft

and today its snowing right here

oya and easier gifts of change

winds are here for real.
she's not fuckin' around.
its the kind of wind that picks up large objects and hurls them through the air. lots of dust devils too since we haven't had any precip in a long time now.
unfortunately, from what i've been told, the place i'll be moving to has its own wind issues. but at least its warmer. tomorrow it will be 30 something here but the wind chill will make it 0 fucking degrees. 0 degrees is just wrong.

in the midst of these windy days i had a visitor. an old friend i haven't spent real time with in a long while. and even with all the water under our decade long bridge its was good. cathartic. a chance for some useful, much needed crip/class/sex work/ gender/resistance dialog and general kind of bonding stuff. and it was a long enough visit to reach that point where i can really be present with his company. I'm alone so much that at first a visitor is just like this big object taking up space and staring at me. takes me a bit to open up and focus.
and i was thrilled to be able to find that place in my blood that thinks him so so gorgeous and deliciously human.
i thought he was gorgeous since the first moment i saw him which was like 11 years ago on a mountain road at night where my old plymouth volare had gotten a flat and we had no spare. but its been a struggle, this friendship, sometimes felt like some cosmic force exists just to throw obstacles in our way. It either hasn't been possible or there hasn't been the energy or the ability or the time to process every freakin' hard thing thats happened between us or to either of us over the years. so some just get swept under the very lumpy rug. somethings just have to be forgiven or forgotten.

we must pick and choose our battles cuz damn, there's battles all around us for the picking.
and not enough love.
not enough love.

Monday, October 8, 2007

and don't even get me started on the whole columbus day bullshit

its so messed up that theres a freakin' holiday for that ass and all the genocide, land theft, exploitation, appropriation, occupation, relocation, devastation he stands for.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

dare i say it and fall is here

i feel for the first time since this crazy journey of selling the farm began, that i just might know where i'm going for the near future anyway. While i was in santa fe , a freind and i drove out to see this womans farm down south a bit on the pecos river. its a village amongst a string tiny farming villages on the pecos river about an hour east of santa fe. An interesting place, getting there you are driving driving through this vast expanse of space, mesas, red and purple sandy soil, huge rock ridges....very new mexico high desert. Then the road gets a little windy and you come over a little hill and suddenly you're in a very green and well populated farming village on the pecos with big fat acequias running through , huge cottonwoods and endless old adobes and rock houses.
anyway, this woman has 60 some acres, it used to be a csa organic farm but nowadays not much is happening with it.She seems motivated to change that.
i'll be in the little caretakeres house which is really an old 70's trailer thats been sided with firstcut, has a porch built on and is drywalled inside.
its disguised.
but it has all amenties, a washer, a full kitchen.
plus i'll have the airstream just for extra space and guests...hint hint.

we're still workin' out the kinks...mostly to do with the current caretaker leaving and trying to figure safer/better housing for all the animals.
i can bring my whole herd so thats great.
she has there 2 horses, my llamas of yesteryear and 2 cows.

its more around 6000ft, so i'll be a bit warmer.

in the here and now, the mountains are doing that delicious fall color seduction....mmmm.