tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40681641143774600162024-03-13T11:21:54.938-06:00the root cellaraaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.comBlogger348125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-215188753953797312018-10-19T21:21:00.001-06:002018-10-20T09:08:18.475-06:00ode to a pulse beneath <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
when she laughed I knew home
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
calling in falling leaves heavy skies wide hipped denim clad women</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she laughed rough stars and all the snark that reclaims our
joy</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she laughed good dirt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and the secrets to loving through relentless pain</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she laughed loud cackling fuck this shit still alive flames
and flowers</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
its been some 15 years but I woke this morning with a night gift</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I could hear her laughing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could feel what it gave me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
what it dislodged, turned out and lit</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and I wept for missing rough unabashed joy in my life</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
everything is so serious now</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
counting bones and years like coins</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
so often alone, all that snarky joy tucked into potting soil</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and boxes of ash</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m casting this poem like spell</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m calling in a night storm</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m asking for flames and flowers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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-->aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-56744484566309890502017-10-15T19:39:00.001-06:002018-10-20T09:06:59.719-06:00water sign<style>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
what did I inherit from my mother but an animal heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and cardboard boxes of
flight?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
genetics</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
infused w preverbal trauma</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
unearthed memories of near death</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
synapses clutched up in knots</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
vigilance = survival</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
vigilance= survival</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
freeze</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
track the predator with disappearing eyes </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have to remember to unclench my hands</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
find my heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my pulse my murky river of blood</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
full of cortisol and thc</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sink</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
into a hot bath sometimes 3 times</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a day</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in between</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I study water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
it’s memory</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
it’s capacity to hold and heal</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to infuse </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I study survival</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I study wounds and their open purpose</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can almost remember mine</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can almost remember my mothers</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> that narrow bridge
from the adrenaline laced womb </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to my own fight or flight
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
vigilance of an animal heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
where I rewrite history with endless water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and keep the littlest me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
safe from heartless carnivores</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
babies should be clear rivers </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
babies should not be</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
boxes built to fill with wounds</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
decades in storage </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
carefully opening each one over years</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I lay them out in the sun</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
one by one by one</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
pour honey into the pain</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve inherited instinct
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve cultivated dirt and spit and thorn thick</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
protection spells</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
babies </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
should be water
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
soothing, turbulent, resilient and healing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
brilliant open animals</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-82359336546252125622017-03-24T07:46:00.003-06:002017-04-04T08:38:05.657-06:00sick femme love liberation incantation<style>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to know your pain
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hold it up to the light of my own </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
let them touch</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
lean linger </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
love the familiar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
bones of honesty</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the world hits </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hard breaks bruises</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and terrifies</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
delights in our masks of able</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
while we drown</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wears down bone to sea glass</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
so let’s celebrate our sea glass survival</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
beautiful </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
spill all the broken worn and translucent remains</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
out</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
onto the kitchen table between us and weep salt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in our knowing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
no masks</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-31455714330686634512016-10-26T15:33:00.001-06:002016-10-26T20:34:49.112-06:00negative space<div class="MsoNormal">
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<br />
the morning is cloudy<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
smells like water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and the sky is full of cranes and their cooing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
song says </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stay warm</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
move as you must</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
sing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need the sky full of cranes to fill the space you are not
in</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need soft steady companions</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need purpose </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and as the mundane and the routines come slowly back<br />
into
focus</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realize they are the remedy</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the dirty dishes are there to ground me cover my hands</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in warm moving water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the laundry waits for me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in warm moving water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the bath waits for me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to come clean</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
come back</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
move as i must</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stay warm</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to fill the spaces you are not in</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to feed the cat</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to warm water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for a tea of roses</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need all the roses</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need my lovers soft steady hands to bring my skin back </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
from following you out to the negative space</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that waits for us all</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I gave you my softest steadiest hands<br />
cooing to you </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as you died</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I caught it all in a</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
small cup of water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I poured it onto rosemary </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
this morning</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
beneath the cranes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-for Agatha </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-21979960350074359952016-10-15T20:10:00.002-06:002017-03-24T07:39:19.540-06:00last call femme incantation<style>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m with the witches </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and the whores </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the seeded queens</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the beauty makers</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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the rusty dragons</div>
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downers</div>
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and loose change</div>
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and a bad turn</div>
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I eat the rich</div>
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like any spell casting</div>
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pre- internet harlot</div>
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would </div>
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I’m in it for the cash crop</div>
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I’m with thorns</div>
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the stay the fuck off me</div>
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the make a wish moon</div>
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say come closer</div>
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there’s plenty for everyone </div>
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I’m with water </div>
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and the rusted beauty</div>
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she creates </div>
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as empires fall</div>
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I’m with</div>
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the seeded the sashay the unstoppable</div>
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rising shining</div>
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queens </div>
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that teach us love.</div>
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aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-23618047876935827492016-07-03T08:25:00.001-06:002016-10-15T20:52:30.973-06:00I am not Orlando<style>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m a lot of things survivor</span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">one bad turna luck from
hungry</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m sick and low class and as
queer </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">as it comes shocked and I’m
grieving </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">but I am not Orlando</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">colonization did not destroy
my homeland </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">demonize my heart</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">leave me lookin for sanctuary
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">on a dazzling dance floor of
family rhythms and tongues</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">leave my open joy a target </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: yellow; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-highlight: yellow;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and yeah, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I started hitting the bars at
15</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">twirling under lights or
tucked up in back corner darkness </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">riding out something horrible
in the humid n heaving </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">safety of the club </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">but whiteness took me takes
me home safer than most</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">handed me the power of
citizenship at birth</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">hell, even in the welfare
line I’ve got “potential” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and my fellow white trans and
queer folk</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">while we mire in rainbow
slick pools of grief and privilege </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">let’s remember this</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">white supremacy is designed
to strip us of depth and meaning </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">leave us empty save for that
unspilled lavender blood</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">eager for narratives that
simulate connection</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">since privilege only
disconnects</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">whiteness always harvests
trauma</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">serves it up with heightened
security</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">rainbow cops</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">gay friendly prison TV shows </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and how quickly all the queer
and trans black and brown ghosts </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">are woven seamlessly into
grant deadlines and no fly lists</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">right along side our most tender
truest bleeding hearts</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and I’m a lotta things, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">the colonizers daughter, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">a sick and useless casualty
of capitalism,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">a bottom feeder</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and I know death and I know
loss </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">but whiteness gets me through
it safer than most</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">less a target and not a ghost</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">so my fellow white queers</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">lets not harvest lets not honeymoon</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">and call it equality</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">lets not settle down on top
of black, brown n indigenous lives and consume </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">lets not whitewash this trauma
and hand it to profit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">lets not whitewash 500 years of
resistance</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">lets not call the cops</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">let’s check our legacies</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">shift our resistance to deep
foundational change</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">let’s call each other over</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>call each other in </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">cuz while we are a lot of things
all tender, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">fucked up and beautiful</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">we are not Orlando</span></div>
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aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-82004132321898716402016-03-10T17:43:00.001-07:002016-10-15T20:52:31.002-06:00when heartbreak <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">puts your back out pulls </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">an endless supply of ocean
from your eyes</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and hot water makes you howl and moan </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">makes you take inventory counting bills</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">in every hidden
envelope</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">means you lie flat on hot then cold turned carefully </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">so some of that
shit’s gonna be ok sunshine </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">soaks the soles of your feet</span><br />
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">when ghost cats purr in your lap</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">when time drowns in shock</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">and love</span> is root stock, terpenes and salt</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">heartbreak rolls stone </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
exposes grief curling up shocked at the sudden light</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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decocts tannins and flowers with thorns </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
boundaryless body pain that stops you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
means nothing at all</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but steep and wait</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stroke ghosts </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
don't drown</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYl5xRyJVgIR1e1NiffaK9pa7MnsnONzlGY1IIbDekzIiPR4bEJXmr6q5qpxyc0BZmbkJCdXV6mBsTocXPxjoXIl2RThnz7bFrpd58x_KlV84VgosQ69VRIAOZc8AKjpjFis57JR177q3o/s1600/motherwort3.16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYl5xRyJVgIR1e1NiffaK9pa7MnsnONzlGY1IIbDekzIiPR4bEJXmr6q5qpxyc0BZmbkJCdXV6mBsTocXPxjoXIl2RThnz7bFrpd58x_KlV84VgosQ69VRIAOZc8AKjpjFis57JR177q3o/s320/motherwort3.16.jpg" width="304" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-53735615152433703182016-01-10T19:48:00.002-07:002016-01-10T20:32:33.954-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8tTt3eKgJJb_TJsOiaD0pvXwheijV94rd4d5H6Qd899WScrtmsSnA59bH61xxvtwGKFo220A7lFxuE-iUNXtBsTYEwalWHhTGA5E9elXKckcQ4Jcu3RMEkePycFPAyceIUUXe9XEZO-Hs/s1600/refugeeswelcome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8tTt3eKgJJb_TJsOiaD0pvXwheijV94rd4d5H6Qd899WScrtmsSnA59bH61xxvtwGKFo220A7lFxuE-iUNXtBsTYEwalWHhTGA5E9elXKckcQ4Jcu3RMEkePycFPAyceIUUXe9XEZO-Hs/s400/refugeeswelcome.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
watercolor.<br />
image: text reads "immigrants and refugees welcome here" on a light orange background with a large pink wild rose in the center and smaller dark green leaves of a rose bush with buds and rose hips framing the text.aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-16298114346919242492016-01-10T19:43:00.002-07:002016-10-15T20:52:30.961-06:00grief is a beast
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
a hard lover
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
smoke</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that leaves </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
debris lodged </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
unseen and dangerous</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
inside</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a deep calm body</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of grey water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
grief </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
is bodies becoming</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
battleground</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ghosts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
becoming </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
only hearts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
only blue suffocated blood</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
circulating through us just lookin for holes</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
grief is a hole</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
vacates </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
whenever</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
returns</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
whenever</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-11879387874660621152015-07-21T16:09:00.000-06:002016-10-15T20:52:30.957-06:00years of desire
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
in the dark of your mouth </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
where the words come</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
up to tell me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hold very still</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Show me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
how good you can be</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-71968895383382363972015-06-04T15:49:00.002-06:002016-10-15T20:52:30.997-06:00sap rising <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
cottonwood comes slowly</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to green
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
first the buds</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
swell beaded with golden</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
healing resin</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
then catkins </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
bursting tassles of femme </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
birthdays </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
laughter </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and parades of gay</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
then the leaves </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
bright lime unfolding</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
lace fans of vitality into a waxy deep green</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that reflects sun on shimmering rivers </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
then the hearts rustle the hustle of being alive</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a money tree shakes with stars<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpJQRGd3XIH8YgX6gw3OgQGDH-K_oMO1bqGdhMhsS_Ija8tPYDXohUHPBBs78dF399KuD45D_pv70HvhSLKVvVVI92kMenB47wy87TJetphWwE9PJDmQCTEZxBrKj9VTFKQkg2P7pxSJ4P/s1600/cottonwood+backlit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpJQRGd3XIH8YgX6gw3OgQGDH-K_oMO1bqGdhMhsS_Ija8tPYDXohUHPBBs78dF399KuD45D_pv70HvhSLKVvVVI92kMenB47wy87TJetphWwE9PJDmQCTEZxBrKj9VTFKQkg2P7pxSJ4P/s320/cottonwood+backlit.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
</div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-86479399299124343432015-03-04T12:44:00.000-07:002016-10-15T20:52:31.006-06:00the balm
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
is in the foggy river valley </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the budding cottonwoods </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
teeming with bird song</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the train rolling through</div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-22293462825007287352014-12-15T09:54:00.001-07:002016-10-15T20:52:30.969-06:00love poem to depression<style>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
hold
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
me in your deep</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
dirty pockets</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
smell like home</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
help me once again slip </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
into that threadbare shirt </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
that’s worn itself down on my stubborn frame</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
cloak </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my thoughts till they curve </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
beneath the weight of all that </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
insistent one on one</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
reliable</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if you’re anything at all</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but vapor or an occasional smoke</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
occasional pen in hand</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
on occasion </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I make a list of things to do</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
then as I cross them off<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you’re roused </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to reach for me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but my poems </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they make you slow smile </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
sit back </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and wait</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
it’s a chemical love story</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
we are unspoken tracks in the flesh</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
we are bloom and wilt and bloom again</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
til death do us part into stars</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
complete </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a dirty pocket dweller</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a high beam burning up </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a fleeting springtime bloom</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of this won’t last</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
there’s nothing to fix.</div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-9802154463451765132014-05-22T20:30:00.002-06:002014-05-22T20:30:05.423-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvvpfTOAPzBgzTxYWiVMuCT2HPbgMa6a1T-XEadYLN80PPyYP7PqGY_qIhRpBh39-wxQGQHoUKM7VsBbn0TPslxfVFc_Y9Qnpp43kl9qu5lySeU99iv2odVHzzKiDAIiho_o0B7Lno9YS/s1600/wornoutgorgeous.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvvpfTOAPzBgzTxYWiVMuCT2HPbgMa6a1T-XEadYLN80PPyYP7PqGY_qIhRpBh39-wxQGQHoUKM7VsBbn0TPslxfVFc_Y9Qnpp43kl9qu5lySeU99iv2odVHzzKiDAIiho_o0B7Lno9YS/s1600/wornoutgorgeous.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-40166600487457390812014-02-11T16:29:00.001-07:002014-02-11T16:29:08.247-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlutVIZYtVqqI50Uwwb1yFK-TIBbfCSjZFYgg5G54jo0Rkxr32R9xhp1usMP72JhNXuuG7g4pqQM2tNBlgRh1QN84-gTSIvV3RVMREglkDnFd7g2hXnlGAzh1kgvE7YbCAfOugS8VKYf3v/s1600/mesatreewtrcolor14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlutVIZYtVqqI50Uwwb1yFK-TIBbfCSjZFYgg5G54jo0Rkxr32R9xhp1usMP72JhNXuuG7g4pqQM2tNBlgRh1QN84-gTSIvV3RVMREglkDnFd7g2hXnlGAzh1kgvE7YbCAfOugS8VKYf3v/s1600/mesatreewtrcolor14.jpg" height="221" width="320" /></a></div>
i like to paint trees! this is watercolor.<br /> image: a watercolor
painting of a leafless tree, mostly a view of the trunk, offcenter, with
a few long slender branches spreading out parallel to the ground. tree
is ribbons of orange red and brown, the sky is ribbons of bright blue.aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-2699670949659459632013-11-23T20:23:00.003-07:002016-10-15T20:52:30.977-06:00when dogs
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
dream and their feet paddle and their lips twitch
and snarl</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they are fighting chasing hunting playing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dream about pretty young men wanting me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wake heart racing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
chasing youth</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dream about my animals</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wake crying out</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dream about home </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know board feet<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know rafters</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
dogs dream like water carving a desired path</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
play<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fight<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>chase</div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-46150605254806217982013-11-17T17:43:00.000-07:002016-10-15T20:52:30.984-06:00<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
after the first hard freeze everything rattles</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
what was flowers and swishing green is now stiff and
seedless</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
shades of brown and yellow</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
rattling in a wind that says to me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
gather some around you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stash some elsewhere </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hammer tight the roof nails</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
burn something.</div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-87583053541211812672013-11-17T15:51:00.001-07:002016-10-15T20:52:31.015-06:00Nesting Doll<style>
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</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Some days I’m still her</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she is inside me like a nesting doll</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
some days I split open</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and there she is </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
still that crass and skinny cast off </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a pre teen beauty queen</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
learning to work </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
in a halter top mini- skirt</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and leg warmers </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
swaying and twirling her way around the skate rink </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
to Journey</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rick James</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Joan Jett<br />
lovin rock n roll in her glitter stained roller skates </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hair feathered roach clips</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and teased lips </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
red and her high heels waiting in the rental locker<br />
lights swirling</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she’s thinking</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got this</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm ok, ya know?<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just ok.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the lights will
save me<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the movement will save me<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm worth saving </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a bigger me
will grow </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>up and around
this mess like armour</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and having stayed alive til puberty</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
having carried it all</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
like a bag of knives </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
this girl will get to rest</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
she’ll get to nest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-30292565039843884062013-11-04T16:46:00.000-07:002016-10-15T20:52:30.981-06:00gintaras
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
the day the moon swallowed the sun</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and the clocks went back</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the light</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
was amber when I woke</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
there was mist and rainbow</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wonder if I’ve paid enough attention to the dead</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
are their stories in me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
had I listened close </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
before they began their journey </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
on the back
of the moon
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
with a plan to have the sun</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for breakfast</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I make toast and tea</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
think of my immigrant father </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and the war trauma he carried in his young heart</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
when he left </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
think of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
women</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
edna</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
gladys</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
mary</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
nellie</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and so many more </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
enduring great lake winters</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
with Baltic sea air in their lungs </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
factories, shops and children bearing</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
lithuanian memories</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
with nursing home endings</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
closing their eyes and seeing the amber light</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
resin that endures and adorns</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
dreams.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-60896382088802826522013-05-08T22:12:00.001-06:002016-10-15T20:52:30.993-06:00Body Check<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I.</span></i></b>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I owned 3
wigs in high school.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">3 wigs
and a pony tail extension.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Wig shops
downtown were always a mystery from the sidewalk. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The
interior always some variety of mustard yellow, black, silver</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">and heavy
with mirrors. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The endless
rows of styrofoam heads. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The sweet
chemical smell of beauty and the stale bitter smell of endless cigarettes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Places
where aging, poverty, illness, self-love and adornment converged. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Lucky for
me I was naturally flamboyant </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">dramatic.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I loved
all the big divas. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Rhinestones
</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">show
tunes and the stage. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Old wing
tip shoes, paten leather heels and men’s suit coats, </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">deep red
lipstick, liquid eyeliner, leopard print.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">So when
my hair began to fall out </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">the wigs </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">they came
as an easy solution to hide the illness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">It’s
really shitty to be 16 and have your hair fall out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Always on
the out looking in</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">balding
was too much.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">It gave
me away, screamed sick</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">damaged</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">failing</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">vulnerable.
</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Screamed
lost cause </span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></i><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">too much.
</span>
</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">too
loudly.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">But the
wigs</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">the outfits
that went with each wig </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">it was
all day theater.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The art
of passing .</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Smoke and
mirrors razzle-dazzle.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Ever
crafty and resourceful</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I
reinvented my sick ass into something audacious</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">unreal. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The illusion
of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>everything is just fine<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">spun by a
sick and scrambling queer. </span></div>
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<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">II.</span></i></b>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Starving not cutting</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">which I tried but it didn’t work for me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">like the slower blade of wasting</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Since I was little</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I’ve swallowed trauma</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">It lives in my belly </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">A time-release poison </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Designed to kill</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">self love</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Feeds me restriction feeds me self destruct</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">It<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is why </span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">despite being brilliant at everything I’ve taken up</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I lose it</span></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">like milk through my fingers</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">I carve out people like portions of food</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Restrict myself right outta living</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Perpetuate the drought</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The not quite suicide of hunger</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">addiction</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The intricate dance with poverty and the necessity to eat less </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">fits neatly into success </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">lives on the lean edge of bone </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">right up under the skin</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">where the ends meet only to cut themselves free</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The control I need </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">when money is outta my hands</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Milk through my</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">cold finger hands</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Bone first hands</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">On ribs for security hands</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">tenuous will to live</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">hands </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">put back the food</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Save it for the rain </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">that doesn’t come.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; font-variant: small-caps; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">III.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my body</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
is a hook</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
20 years away from bulimic</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but anorexic hangs</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
on my back </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
drapes around me a thread bare coat</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my gut </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if I could</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if I’m honest</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d empty it </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
like a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bowl </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
not for holding anything</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
purely decorative</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and empty</div>
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I’m hard wired for that next to the bone feeling</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
having a handle on it all</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a hook to hang my baggage on</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
my body</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a living breathing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>argument</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
always the chatter in the background of my days</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
always worried if there’s food to eat</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
always worried if I will eat it</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
always worried if what I chew will actually be swallowed</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if what I put in it will<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>really digest</div>
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and if what I put in it will come out</div>
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<br /></div>
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if it will all come out</div>
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<br /></div>
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for a while after I stopped purging</div>
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I couldn’t bend over </div>
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without the contents of my stomach </div>
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automatically rushing up to my throat</div>
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with perspective</div>
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survived</div>
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but still I waste </div>
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hung up</div>
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hunger is handled </div>
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like a bank account</div>
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handled</div>
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like an almost emptied</div>
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bowl </div>
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of water and</div>
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worry.</div>
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aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-91976719539528995952013-01-12T15:00:00.001-07:002016-10-15T20:52:31.024-06:00tool shed poetry<br />
a hard rake<br />
<br />
drags thru the debris<br />
turning up broken <br />
glass<br />
history<br />
rusty nails<br />
bottle caps packed<br />
with grief<br />
leaves<br />
stones too heavy<br />
to move<br />
churns up reason <br />
leaves<br />
salt and sand<br />
<br />
beetle shells<br />
and hope <br />
tills<br />
over to the light<br />
<br />
a hard rake<br />
breaks soil<br />
hearts<br />
<br />
leaves.aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-87709644690997308942012-11-25T16:21:00.000-07:002016-10-15T20:52:31.020-06:00My new chapbook take 2...!<br />
after some technical -how to pay for it- issues that i believe i've fixed, i'm posting this again!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjiGv0uD1wxkJJFzKW_MzTi8AP13lSNypr6cbIVcmPiazPfuVIdJI6e8VwdtnHSpXp7UACTymWGQRIOjk5CqfmiK-tjiFdmO2nNNyBCmLQPsmWjUDXbSQ-2pPdPzNBQxo0VzHD3VuG79Q/s1600/chapbooketsy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGjiGv0uD1wxkJJFzKW_MzTi8AP13lSNypr6cbIVcmPiazPfuVIdJI6e8VwdtnHSpXp7UACTymWGQRIOjk5CqfmiK-tjiFdmO2nNNyBCmLQPsmWjUDXbSQ-2pPdPzNBQxo0VzHD3VuG79Q/s320/chapbooketsy.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
My newest, most lovely, humble and razor sharp chapbook is available for 5 bucks! There are 38 pages of poetry crafted with outrage and love.<br />
<br />
Bird song is a collection of my favorite pieces over the last decade
that center around love and loss, healing and recovery. The radical act
of remembering.<br />
<br />
This is the first chapbook I've ever made that didn't involve glue
sticks and white out... fancy! I don't yet have an audio version to
offer, but that's next on the to do list!<br />
<br />
Your purchase will not only help me make those elusive ends meet but
also generate plenty of warm fuzzy expansive feelings and of course
more poetry! <br />
<br />
Many thanks to sebastian who helped so so much technically and with heaps of moral support! <br />
<br />
...and thanks in advance to all you lovely folk.<br />
<br />
you can purchase it on my <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/116182220/poetry-chapbook-bird-song-poems-by-aaron" target="_blank">Etsy shop!</a> aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-74130596098646824512012-10-24T10:05:00.001-06:002012-10-24T20:43:25.058-06:00poem for the dead<style>
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haunting</div>
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I get to thinking on my bones</div>
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like star dust</div>
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not mine to have just to pass through</div>
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I get to thinking on your bones<br />
like tree limbs </div>
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lying on the forest floor</div>
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or yours </div>
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buried in the dirt of mount hope</div>
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yours of ash<br />
once arms full of firewood </div>
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get to thinking things like</div>
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homeland</div>
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mothers</div>
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lovers</div>
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dust</div>
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home in the water</div>
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migration</div>
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your fingers</div>
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the bed you died in</div>
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haunt me</div>
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all of you</div>
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its your time</div>
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to speak</div>
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like rustling leaves </div>
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to the ground</div>
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hustle and move me </div>
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remind me about the other side</div>
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of loss</div>
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about time arching over to knit </div>
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all the bones into blankets of light<br />
I’m here to remember<br />
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yours. </div>
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aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-34457346345391390782012-10-17T14:50:00.000-06:002012-10-23T21:12:58.024-06:00an end to able bodied rhetoric.I wanted to chime in on the chorus of brilliant replies and comments from folks on B. leowes circulating article <a href="http://www.organizingupgrade.com/index.php/component/k2/item/729-end-to-self-care" target="_blank">"an end to self care"</a>. I'll link some of my faves below. they cover many things i wish i had the time and energy to speak to, like the classism and sexism present, and the deeply triggering nature of the ableism, and just how interdependent self care and community care truly are. this is a work in progress for me, for all of us...but here's whats on the forefront for me right now...<br />
<br />
i often struggle with copious amounts of shame, frustration and confusion over the fact that right now in my life all i have to give is going towards helping raise 2 children. It can feel deeply unradical, ordinary and anonymous. it is adding exponentially to my already intense isolation. While not my intention, my world has become this house, this home. As someone who is disabled and chronically ill, i am tapped . if i don't take time to space out and watch shadows dance on my wall, or have a hot shower, roll around on a tennis ball to keep my neck from going out, scroll thru fucking facebook, grow kale or whatever the hell i can manage that feels -still- and healing, i won't be able to make dinner and clean it all up.<br />
if no one makes dinner, the children don't eat.<br />
children need to eat.<br />
and these are not "my" children in the biological or legal sense, but i love them, we are family in the queerest loveliest sense, and i want to do my part in helping them become the best humans they can be. i want to help them navigate the violence and brutal complexity in the world, i want them to understand privilege and love and compassion and accountability.<br />
articles like b. loewes' and the larger presence of this brand of deep running ableism in "movement work" just nail the shame and frustration firmly in place. <br />
B. suggests that if we are unable to work endlessly for the movement, it is because we are not connected to our purpose. this suggests that what we -are- doing : caring for ourselves so that we can care for others, cleaning, cooking, crafting, repairing, listening, teaching, recovering, is not movement work.<br />
<br />
i certainly struggle with the loss of what feels like my life before i decided to live with children. <br />
and i now can spot a mile off the lives and work of those that don't have dependants...it has, how do you say, a certain je ne sais quoi. a certain level of self absorption.<br />
and while i might roll my eyes, i'd be lying if i didn't say i miss this.<br />
<br />
but i also am aware that a degree of this new layer of loss and isolation i'm experiencing is connected to the dominant, rooted in patriarchy idea that revolution isn't about raising children or helping each other with the mundane domestic task of surviving another day.<br />
folks just always seem to have better things to do than help with someones kids, or just help someone.<br />
and this is capitalism at work yeah? its a set up. there is not enough. not enough time/money/energy.<br />
and revolution. well...it's THE thing. <br />
but heres the thing, the front lines aren't linear. they aren't always dramatic. they<br />
aren't -out-there-. they are everywhere, including the kitchen. including the bedtime story and the hands on love of being present for need.<br />
<br />
i'm learning to think less in terms of productivity, esp. since framing life that way will certainly end me, and think more in terms of sustaining...sustenance...support. this flies in the face of my lower class life that screams produce, keep the cards close or die. it challenges the ableism in my working class roots, the internalized high stakes drive to succeed. to avoid being trash. or criminal.<br />
<br />
This ableism lives on in radical political movements. It pushes out us sick ones and blames us for it.<br />
<br />
ableism is dangerous. swallowing eugenic poison. <br />
<br />
i'm learning that self love, self care and community care go together, they twine effortlessly with raising community and revolution. that i am doing the work, even shadow watching, even dish washing, even heart beating, even now.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
here's the links i mentioned earlier...enjoy. and a nod to all the brilliant conversation between crips that let me realize that there was a reason, a buncha reasons, why B. Loewes article was so upsetting.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.brownstargirl.org/1/post/2012/10/for-badass-disability-justice-working-class-and-poor-lead-models-of-sustainable-hustling-for-liberation.html" target="_blank">http://www.brownstargirl.org/1/post/2012/10/for-badass-disability-justice-working-class-and-poor-lead-models-of-sustainable-hustling-for-liberation.html</a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/notes/bruin-christopher/my-response-to-an-end-to-self-care/10152210543650232" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/notes/bruin-christopher/my-response-to-an-end-to-self-care/10152210543650232</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://midnightapothecary.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">http://midnightapothecary.blogspot.com/</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://organizingupgrade.com/index.php/modules-menu/community-care/item/737-care-is-the-core-of-change" target="_blank">http://organizingupgrade.com/index.php/modules-menu/community-care/item/737-care-is-the-core-of-change</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.spectraspeaks.com/2012/10/response-to-an-end-to-self-care-community-care-how-about-an-end-to-the-martyr-complex/" target="_blank">http://www.spectraspeaks.com/2012/10/response-to-an-end-to-self-care-community-care-how-about-an-end-to-the-martyr-complex/</a>aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4068164114377460016.post-6179154114896382792012-09-29T11:39:00.000-06:002012-10-04T14:22:17.074-06:00 self preservation toolbox inventory #1recognizing the feeling, the hollow heartbeat discomfort in my body that tells me I'm dealing with an untenable privilege dynamic in a relationship cuz it feels like everything i say is dramatic/traumatic/bad news/stress and their company makes me feel the draft where my safety net should be.aaron ambrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09027168007655481095noreply@blogger.com1