I'm now in some kind of netherworld limbo where it seems i've sold the farm...but haven't actually yet done it, and it seems i'm going to buy this little village place ...but haven't actually done it.Then theres the overwhelming surreality of the idea of not being here on the mountain anymore. The aspens out my window,the contours of the mountains around me, the birdsong in the morning. I've cried so much that now while i write this my eyes swell and my throat sticks but the tears don't quite flow....i think i've run the well dry...finally....for now, and i have to remind myself that if i was staying i'd be freakin' out since i've no money for firewood or hay...hell i don't have money for food right now and my car isn't running and i'm stuck and as gorgeous as the mountains can be they can also be quite demanding and relentless. So when i'm not mourning the loss i'm quite excited at the prospect of where i'm hoping to go. Sure it has drawbacks, like the stupid road/traffic but the thought of plumbing, being able to bath whenever i like, turn a tap and do dishes, being able to walk to the post office or the little healthfood store, ride my bike to the farmers market...and having a house big enough to accomodate other humans...i love that prospect the most. and the thought that some big ol' radical queero (thats me) is gonna live smack in the middle of the village makes me chuckle....
which reminds me....the huge old adobe on 2 acres is also for sale next door....so someone awesome has to come and buy it so we can combine our loviness ok?
but , see, i'm getting ahead of myself.....the owner hasn't officialy accepted my offer, and the women...queer women(yay!) buying my place haven't actually signed the purchase agreement....hence....limbo land.
so i need y'alls magical intent or prayers or whatever it is you do....i feel the cosmic momentum is there but it couldn't hurt to give it a collective push....ok?