Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Home is where the Dead are
Homesickness...i’ve got it bad. Started when i got the news that my uncle david died this past weekend. I feel very far away from my mother and the whole stupid funeral process and the sudden smack you in the head reality that is death that everyone there is dealing with....that i’m here dealing with on my own.
I’ve told folks that when i die i want to be buried here on the land....and none of that formaldehyde coffin crap.....just dig that big ol’ hole and put me in it....fetal position....covered in dirt. Back up in the woods next to where my wolf-dog lupa was left dead and eaten by a mountain lion.
But when i get to yearnin’ for home i start to wonder.....maybe burn me and scatter me here and also back in new york. Over mendon ponds...esp. the devils bathtub, and the most magical Mt. Hope cemetery.
My mothers side of my family, both Ambrose and Fink , have been in the rochester and finger lakes area since the 1880’s. I’m some adventurous and stubborn queer sheep way out here in the high desert on my own.
Sometimes i weep from the desire to be lost in the humid green of swampland, to swim in the mid-summer ponds where the plant life reaches up from the bottom to brush my legs as i swim, the chorus of crickets at night, the familiar rhythm of the rolling hills between long slender lakes....
damn....i’ve got it bad.
So i say my goodbyes to David Ambrose from afar....
I forgot to ask my mother where they’ll bury him. Possibly at Mt. Hope near my uncle Paul.