Thursday, May 15, 2008

....is it 1989?

I had the strangest day in vegas yesterday. really strange. a bit unsettling.
i love vegas really, its a great little town. i've been going there for years now for supplies, to the hot springs, the thrift store, to get my veggie oil for the mercedes. but yesterday came at me like some archaic homophobic brick.
it was weird.
now, like a true farmer i dress like a "man"...but swagger like a limp wristed fag...but thats always been true.
but let me preface this story by letting y'all know that i cut my hair. shaved it off. and no big deal right? well, apparently it is.


now, no one threw beer bottles at me or yelled "faggot" out there car window or chased me with a baseball bat like back in the days of my youth. this was very low level and persistant.... men looked through me or at the ground, women clutched their boyfriends arms or pulled their children closer. this in a town where everyone usually smiles that warm new mexican smile because its not some big city where you become numb to the humans around you.
and mind you, i'm super smiley and friendly...hell, i can charm anyone...or so i thought.

at the opposite end of this surreality was the vegas queers, of which there are many when you're equipped with well tuned gaydar....some of which looked at me like deer in headlights...eyes saying "what are you doin? you'll take us down w/ you!" while others gave furtive knowing urgent glances.

have i mentioned this was all really weird?

having almost 2 decades of queer living under my belt including the mandatory time in san francisco, its intense to feel like i've stepped back in time to a place where there is no pride parade, no lgbt organizatons , no queer neighborhoods or places to go....things that big city or college town queers take totally for granted anymore these days.

i hadn't realized how much a bit of a pony tail had been glossing all this over for me.

and i like small towns....sigh.

but smaller towns that are queer friendlier are usually whitey college towns and waaay out of my class range. and living in some upper class town would have its own kind of surreal ickiness for me contend with.
so ....i'm stuck between worlds.

whats fucking new.

ahhh...so today i'm just here on the farm. i'm just a farmer.
til' the next time i go to town....

2 comments:

jacket said...

I think your haircut looks great.

Jbeeky said...

I second that.