lost and found#4

so i have finally finally finally spruced up and printed out my poems and am sending off the resulting manuscript to albuquerque where lisa gill, most amazing poet, will be my editor. She has been very patient with my chaos. In the process of print and sort, i rediscovered this older performance piece.....


DAMAGED GOODS

I had these really vivid rape memories a few nights ago
they were these full on
no control
body memories
and it was this movie scene that
triggered
fingered my pain lying dormant
and I cried
and I thrashed
and I flooded with this molten grief
cuz I was her
and the nightmare of cold and shaken
and she was fear
and the nightmare of body taken
this nightmare opened before me
and inside me
it spread to saturate all that I am
and everything I do
and in the same breath that I say
“why are people so fucked up?”
I can also say
”no wonder people are so fucked up”
and I can also say
abuse
is a common fucked up ground between us
sadly
but resisted a face to strength and resilience
sadly
but we make the most of each day survived
cuz we’re damaged goods
sweetheart
you and me
and everybody I know
damaged goods
you know like bruised fruit
or barren land
or some old car with tics and dings and rusting parts
beyond repair
and we ache and we stretch
and we ache and we stretch
and we’re relapsed
and collapsed
and perhaps
just a bit too desperate for some fucking peace and quiet
and when damaged becomes survival
where is the living?
when damaged becomes survival
where is the here and now?
and I watched my damage on the screen before me
I listened to my damage whimper and fear and love
and I saw my damage with her ass in the air
so I’m asking you
how far have we come?
when I am her
and you are me
and we are fear?
thick
red
bargain basement fear
how far have we come
in a life of dodging pain?
how far have we come
from battered?