Tuesday, December 11, 2007

life on the other side

i'm here at the new farm.
still so much to do in chacon but we're in the midst of nasty weather and all the animals are with me here and so for now i'm just HERE.
and you know if the weather is unsavory here at 5500ft. then its downright gnarly and freezing up in chacon at 8600ft.

dreamt last night that marcos the man kitty was there at the house in chacon...cold wind blowing through missing windows and my stuff everywhere everywhere.

i actually feel like i've left the house behind...as in abandoned it....as in its lonely up there without me after so many years of connection.waiting for me to come home, start a fire, sing songs and dream.
i mean, that house would still be an eroding pile of mud if i hadn't rescued it from certain melt down.
the thought of that place conjures lonlines. howling cold lonliness. and thats hard beause its been my home for years. just me. my little body keeping it warm and clean and standing.

here at the farm i am clean. squeaky fucking clean. i weep everytime i bathe. its so unreal and all consuming to emerge myself in hot water.

hoping that when the dust settles i won't be looking at more endles days of alone. there is, ofcourse, a good chance of that. but right now i'm preoccupied with all that still needs to be done, all the back and forth between here and chacon and the time it will take to get used to the sounds and routines of this new place.

3 comments:

Sky said...

There you are... was getting a little worried.

I started reading your blog, oh, ten, twelve months ago? and have enjoyed your writing and your journey.. yes, there are lots of journeys that come and go..

Keep the move on there, you are doing wonderfully, even though it may not feel like that sometimes..

You live a long ways from here, but the trials are similar... life, love, health, wealth.. but your creativity in writing only gets better for it..

Happy Moving, Happy Changes and Discoveries... it's only going to be different and it's going to be a bit better as the days go by...

(good to see you back on the blog, Real Good)

Rosie said...

Well, at least when you get lonely now, you can take a nice hot bath. That's always comforting to me. I know you will miss that little place and feel a sort of responsibility to it. I sort of feel that way about this place. It is taking me forever to get this place ready to list.

Yah...those little goaties are a problem. Have you spoken to the owner about them? I guess they are like pets to her. Nigies and pygmies...they all need so much more special stuff than sheep or even the big goats. The sheep seem remarkably trouble free...I've thought about switching over, but I'd like dairy sheep. Goats are just a pain in the ass 24-7. I have two missing right now.

Jbeeky said...

So glad to hear from you! I hope this transition is peaceful and feels confirming to you.