i'm here at the new farm.
still so much to do in chacon but we're in the midst of nasty weather and all the animals are with me here and so for now i'm just HERE.
and you know if the weather is unsavory here at 5500ft. then its downright gnarly and freezing up in chacon at 8600ft.
dreamt last night that marcos the man kitty was there at the house in chacon...cold wind blowing through missing windows and my stuff everywhere everywhere.
i actually feel like i've left the house behind...as in abandoned it....as in its lonely up there without me after so many years of connection.waiting for me to come home, start a fire, sing songs and dream.
i mean, that house would still be an eroding pile of mud if i hadn't rescued it from certain melt down.
the thought of that place conjures lonlines. howling cold lonliness. and thats hard beause its been my home for years. just me. my little body keeping it warm and clean and standing.
here at the farm i am clean. squeaky fucking clean. i weep everytime i bathe. its so unreal and all consuming to emerge myself in hot water.
hoping that when the dust settles i won't be looking at more endles days of alone. there is, ofcourse, a good chance of that. but right now i'm preoccupied with all that still needs to be done, all the back and forth between here and chacon and the time it will take to get used to the sounds and routines of this new place.