calgon.... take me away

the wind has been howling here. over the top howling. windows and doors rattling, roof holding on for dear life. the chickens literally get blown off their feet.This old house is one big draft, so i'm flying through what little wood i have left.
I haven't had a proper bath ("proper" being in all of 5 gallons of water) in weeks, yes...weeks. i've resorted to sponge bathing for lack of water. what there is left in the tank is mostly frozen and what i manage to get from it has to go to dishes and the animals. i boil water in a kettle twice a day to keep the animal water fluid.

so here in this least attractive season of chacon living...i'm ready to go.I kind of can't believe i've done winter this way for years, no wonder i'm worn out.

we've a plan to move the animals to the new farm next week..a big day of transition since home is where the animals are. after that is the slow process of getting my things from here to there, a lot of back and forth and saying goodbye.....i'm considering getting a sled to get things from the front door to my truck. certainly sliding over snow is easier than trying to carry things through the snow ... on a rocky slope...in the damn wind.

i'm soooooooooooooo looking forward to plumbing. to being squeaky clean. and to having an indoor toilet. and fucking dsl which has got to be better than this 26k dialup crap. and to being closer to my friends.
so everyone cross those digits and hope that the weather is kind and lets me get off this mountain as planned!!!!!!

sacred snow and missing marcos

ahhhhhhhhhhh.....snow. my sinus/lung situation is sooooo much happier without the flying walls of dust and grit. And as of yet theres no frigid winds to ruin all the snow magic...yay! we've maybe 8 inches or so and its till coming down.
sheep are snowy....
i decided to trek out to the post office on the as of yet unplowed roads in my trusty old toyota with the best 4wd ever....25 years and still kickin' snowy road ass. Took the dogs since we're all bored to death in the house and agatha said she'd do the driving.

and some sad news.....i'm about 90% sure my big man kitty Marcos has died. I'd bet a million bucks this big ol' coyote thats been prowling around finally got him. Marcos spent the majority of his time back in the forest so its sort of inevitable. He was always the wild kitty, born in the attic in the middle of winter only he and his sister Ramona survived....He grew up to be this big heavy gorgeous loving boy. I'll miss him and his super sonic loudest lion purrrrrrrrrr.....

finally

its cold.
this morning we had some thick fog that left this hard frost behind.
and today hovered just below freezing...and tomorrow is supposed to be even colder in the 20's...we're hoping for a good half foot of snow, maybe more by the time this system moves out!!!!!! cross yr fingers and yr toes and whatever else you might have worth crossing because snow is life...seriously. we're dust and fire without it.

and this is the groovy goat herd that lives up the way. sometimes they're all in the road and i have to stop and wait while they mosey. theres a dog in there somewhere with them all....good dog.

the new digs

so i ventured down to the new farm yesterday to get better aquainted with what will be me and my herds new home. Its been ridiculously warm and dry which is scary but at least made the trip much easier than snow and freezing wind would have.

this is the road into the village....definitly not the mountains, but mesas are beautiful in their own way. the sheer expanse of it all. like being on the moon. and soon the road twists and turns and descends into the village with the pecos river and lots of farms.

this is the big old adobe that i'll be staying in for a while till the little caretaker house is cleaned out and spruced up and ready for me to live in.and this is the little house that will eventually be mine.its down near the big fat acequia and next to the garden. and theres my airstream!

along that big fat acequia are some really impressive cottonwood trees...huge!
cross the acequia and you come out to the pasture.... a gazillion acres....and down at the bottom there where all the trees are is the pecos river.

the dogs had a great time with the other dogs and dunking in the water and general doggish mayhem. And it all feels a bit more real to me which is good...since its where i'm going and all.

homesick

i've been aching for home lately, probably because i'm about to move and its a diversionary tactic my brain has taken up. so just to rub it in my mother sent me this photo the other day. she had the chance to take a horse buggy ride near where she lives in the finger lakes region. lots of mennonite and amish folk there so these horse rigs are quite common...hey i'd take that over gettin' in a stanky ol' death of the ecosystem car anyday.

37 years...

tomorrows my birthday . i like to take a photo each year to keep track of my mortality.
i like the weathered witchy spinster look i've got goin' here....but i always think i look so tired. hell, most of the time i am. i think in my minds eye i'm still 25 you know?
eh...numbers...just numbers.
souls dressed in timely flesh and bones.

all over the map

seems i'm either really focused on the bad parts of living here so that leaving makes sense or i'm eerily numb to it all and just going about my day as though i haven't sold my home and everything will be just like this forever... or i cry....like the past couple of days....
coming back from my neighbors place thats up the valley a bit farther towards luna canyon i was stunned at the beauty. the forever views all the way down the mora valley, the many layered peaks of the mountains fading to lighter and lighter blue in the distance. the magic of the high country hit me....i'm leaving this. then yesterday i spent some time at my mechanics place with his lovely kids, chatting with him about this and that, then another stunning drive back to mora where everywhere i went i saw folks i know, everyone asking when i'm leaving and that they will miss me.the ease of knowing the terrain, the people, the curves in the road. how everyone waves as they drive by.

and i have to remind myself of why why why i've done this. which is barely a consolation. i say, erin, you wouldn't have any hay, or groceries or firewood or good shoes on your feet....wouldn't be able to go home in spring to see my family....and on and on......

yersterday on my way up the chacon highway i spotted 2 tiny kittens huddled by the roadside so without thinking i whipped the truck around and went back to get them. when i got up close one ran off quick into the road. not very good at running....so little....it scampered over to the other side and dove into the grassy bank.meanwhile i had picked up the other one and headed over to the truck. i had no box or anything so just put it on the seat next to me and it quickly dissappeared under the seats. then standing there for a moment in the cold wind i realized what i'd done, felt bad that i'd seperated them when i'd meant to rescue both, then felt even worse when it was clear to me that i can't take this little wild one home. it was terrified and so so small, i've got big cats and dogs at home already, and the electrician was there clomping around with the doors wide open, and i'm exhausted and i'm moving soon...possibly sooner than this little one would trust me and the dogs and suddenly it all seemed really impossible so i searched around and found the fuzzer crammed as far back under my seat as it could go, got it outta there, held it to my chest and walked it over to the grassy bank where its sibling had dissappeared and let it go into the tall grass.

my compulsion to save everything helpless and fourlegged from hunger and cold.
but right now i can't i just can't.Things are changing. This is not my home.

farm notes

i smashed my toe and it really fuckin' hurts.
and we've got a new neighbor here. She is somewhat obsessed with all of us as shes all alone over there in her pasture. she spends most of her time right here, looking longingly down this way....the sheep go up and hang around the fenceline with her which is very kind.

and heres the pain in the ass rooster. I've named him leroy brown since he's "meaner than a junk yard dog.." I have perfected the whacking him with a stick technique if i'm in the pen with him, works quite well...most of the time i really just have it pressed against him or just inbetween us to keep him at a distance.He seems to respect the stick. sometimes he gets bored with it and goes away. problem is that he's well aware of the times when for whatever reason i'm stickless and he really goes for the shoes...then i just have to kick him.

and folks....its really really dry and warm here....with no relief in sight. a big dust cloud. i'm scared of what spring/fire season is gonna look like if we don't get any snow.....snap crackle pop.

beyond all that i suppose there are far more interesting and profound thoughts formulating in my head, but i'll be damned if i'm able to actually write em' all down in some arty coherent fashion. big problemo is the old eyeballs....they aren't working too well, or i should say my glasses are ancient and i need a new prescription.....so the computer thing is rough.
been thinking lots about the gender m/f continuum, and the need to identify anywhere on that continuum as a human construct...which can be deconstructed. ...as opposed to the popular belief that it is somehow natural law, akin to gravity or the sunrise, or some biological crap.
and about ei access...or lack of it in crip communities....extra depressing/infuriating, more so than with just the plain ol' general ab stinky-ass public.