internalized #2

Will the bitterness be with me till I die? Will it engulf me? 

i’ll just take that bitter bow like everyone else I’ve known. Take my bow with a grin and a fuck you.

Take it.

I’ll try and fail try and fail

lower the bar, my expectations, again and again

Like my mother who, with only 20 years on me , is already thinking about dying. 

where is she gonna live while she dies.

That’s all that’s left to do. Where is she going to live.

Where will I live? How will I die?

40 years old feels like 40 stories high on some shaky rattling scaffolding.

My heart, hope, my life my skin cracked and vulnerable like the high desert soil.

Bitter dry.

A footprint stays for years. Years I carry the footprints.