race ,class, gender variance, sexual identity...and that other thing

This piece is really well done, important stuff. The missing piece is disability and the issues of ableism and access. Its all so intricately woven into the reality of poverty and marginalization.

this and that and the other thing

I need to find a home for one of my dogs. eva. its the dregs of this paring down process since i realized i had to sell the farm.
renting is too tricky as it is. dog food costs money.
its shitty. but she's a good girl and i think its possible to find the right person for her. I don't give her the alpha she needs. i'm too tired and consumed w/ other things.

she's a good farm dog.
would be great in the city with some ground manners....leash training!!!

anybody have a good home for her?


and i'm moving soon. right downtown...sounds silly cuz santa fe barely has what i think of as a "downtown" but you now, its all relative. i'll be near the train and the farmers market. and goddammit i'll have enough room for my looms. and for a guest or 2. the whole situation here in santa fe is so economically unsustainable for me really. but i'm just gonna make the best of it while it lasts.
i've got 5k left from the farm.
and a 3 year waiting list for section eight in this town. 2 years for albuquerque. about the same for rochester.

but hey,right now i get to live in a small, old, sweet, sunfilled house at the back of a quiet little compound
in fucking arty-fancy-ass santa fe for so many months. I'll model w/ my tranny ass if i can navigate successfully the intense gender binary bullshit in the world of figure modeling.i've got a gig mucking and feeding this womans horses when she leaves town. i'll crank out blankets as best i can and try and get them sold during these desperate heaves of crumbling empire.

occasionally i'm gonna run out of food. and optimism. and breath. and the ability to cope. but right now is right now.
i'm grasping this.
i've got sweet sweet love. and room for my looms.

crawling the streets of a past life in a new era

5 days in the bay area. full of interactions and meetings, dinners and walks. crips and queers the common thread. probably the least isolated i've felt in many years.

but everywhere i go there are memories. body experiences. the smell of 16th and mission when i came up from the bart tunnel.the mix of sweaty adrenaline, food, exhaust and urine. How 16 years ago she was berating me for leading her through her old scoring blocks in the midst of her tenuous recovery so i could find some food before my blood sugar dropped out. our feet aching. our hands cold.

sitting with this new kind of people in some falafel joint on frighteningly gentrified valencia listening to words like hegemony and paradigm but distracted by the film in my mind of me and my hooker friends eating burritos at the azteca on church. the easy banter of queer youth draped over a bitterly common scarcity. the playful tease and slap smart advice.

walking past corners where she kissed me. doorsteps where i broke down and cried. i let it wash over me, the old patterns of thought, how my body felt or didn't feel at all.

i've such a love hate thing with the bay area. and sordid history. theres a resistance to the pull. even on the heels of such a sweet time among crips. i hold up her memory as a reminder that for folks like us, its not all that great. its desperate. that the level of downward mobility and pretense amongst queers there is staggering, disorienting and exhausting. the californifying effect is not that attractive outside california. I speak of san francisco transplants here to new mexico w/ suspicion and a little disdain.They bring with them the winds of coolness, we watch new mexico turn into a california satellite.

but the pull lingers. i love the flowers in every ones yards in berkeley. the ratio of crip to able bodied. the saturation of queer. the vast diversity of people. the sci-fi howl of the bart train off in the distance.
the poetry. the hum.
the water. definitely the water.

and away i go.

right, so i'm heading back to the bay area. briefly. no major landscape changing surgery this time just visiting. Gonna check out a predominately queer and crip performance called Sins Invalid. I'm horribly critical of performance art...and celebrityism....horribly. but i'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised. and that aside i get to see old friends, catch a kiss from my lover, and maybe make a few new friends.

i'll report back...my suitcase crammed full of pics and opinion...i'm never short of opinion.