Sunday, October 15, 2017

water sign



what did I inherit from my mother but an animal heart
 and cardboard boxes of flight?
genetics
infused w preverbal trauma
unearthed memories of near death
synapses clutched up in knots
vigilance = survival
vigilance= survival
  freeze
track the predator with disappearing eyes 

I have to remember to unclench my hands
find my heart
my pulse my murky river of blood
full of cortisol and thc
I sink
into a hot bath sometimes 3 times
a day

in between

I study water
it’s memory
it’s capacity to hold and heal

to infuse

I study survival
I study wounds and their open purpose

I can almost remember mine
I can almost remember my mothers
  that narrow bridge from the adrenaline laced womb 
to my own fight or flight

vigilance of an animal heart
where I rewrite history with endless water
and keep the littlest me
safe from heartless carnivores
babies should be clear rivers
babies should not be
boxes built to fill with wounds
decades in storage
carefully opening each one over years
I lay them out in the sun
one by one by one
pour honey into the pain

I’ve inherited instinct
I’ve cultivated dirt and spit and thorn thick
protection spells
for
babies 
should be water
soothing, turbulent, resilient and healing
brilliant open animals





















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